did you get engaged???
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
