I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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