just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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