I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just high enough for therapy.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
