I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize