the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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