your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
