I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
