honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize