yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
