The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
