look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
