Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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