went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
