Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
