He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
