I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
