Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So vagazzling was a success
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
