Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
