What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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