just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
