Michael Bay diarrhea
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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