I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
