mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
