i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize