dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
