why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
