Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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