Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
