Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
