I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
