i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
