i just sold back the books i vomitted on
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
