Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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