Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
