I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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