as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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