phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
