people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
