Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
