the new term for farting is butt boxing.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
