we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
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