I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Drake has all the answers
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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