so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
