Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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