there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
