we have officially lost it.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
