I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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