So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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