false alarm. still invincible.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
i think my cat just said my name.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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