I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
