i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
