I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
