Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
tell me about the eggs
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
