Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
