Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
