I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
