When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize