You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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