I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
