hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
