so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
