im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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