Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
