a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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