my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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