I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
