I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you inspire me to be a worse person
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
